Fact: Snow Makes Northwest Kids Dumb

So, it's winter. I live in the Northwest United States. Typically those two statements combined equal buckets of rain. Not this year.

That is my backyard. Note the lamppost on the right. No, we are not in Narnia. What the heck?!

This is my street.

My mom had been in the house (well, at least not leaving the yard) since Friday, and she decided that enough was enough. Plus, we needed more food! So we decided to walk to Fred Meyer, which is across the street from our little neighborhood. Thus the reasoning behind why snow makes us dumb. We are not normally dumb, I promise. 

BUT, in my opinion, leaving the house when the temperature is the same as my age is a dumb thing to do. We did it anyway, because it was time to get out of the house.

This is me. *smile*

This is my mom.

We trekked to the store and back, and neither of us fell over. So the trip was a success, all things considered. =) We also stopped in at Starbucks, because that is a requirement if you live in the Northwest. The place was packed! Ask me if I was surprised. ... Nope, not a bit! We have more the TEN INCHES of snow on the ground, but they can't keep us away from our legal substances! Not a chance! Mr. Starbucks must be very proud of what he's created. I know I am. 

Finally, some further proof that we are nuts (as if we needed more!), here is a picture of my dog. Because she is as certifiable as the rest of us. A sane person (or dog) would not stay outside long enough in this weather to turn out like this:

(Say "Hi," Bridgette!)

I hope you all are enjoying a safe and fun time in the snow! Me? I'll be inside, admiring the beauty while drinking my coffee and dreaming of a green Christmas. =)

All About Perspective

I have found (repeatedly) that perspective changes everything. Especially when you are an emotionally-driven creature like I am, knowing how to look at a situation or conflict can mean the difference between overreaction and smart choices.

When I'm in the middle of something, I am literally in themiddleof it. I'm talking, so-squished-I-can-hardly-breathe in the middle. So I can pretty much forget about thinking clearly. Even the slightest removal from said situations can have the most dramatic effect on the outcome. I feel healthiest when I can shift my perspective. I feel smart and rational and mature. 

So why is it always so hard for me to remove myself in order to gain control? Because I like the emotional aspect just as much as the rational aspect. In truth, I am a girl. Now, this sentiment is not true for all girls, nor is it true for me at all times. It's just a pattern I've begun noticing. 

I have also noticed that once the perspective shift takes place, and I rationalize myself into oblivion, my "issues" tend to dissolve quickly, regardless of how imposing they seemed 10 minutes ago.

That's my current food for thought. What's yours?

Out of the Black Night...

More like out of the black hole. I kind of got sucked into the craziness of everything going on around me, and lost track of things that existed outside of my schedule. Like this blog for instance. Here are a few thing worth mentioning about today (and the days near it, which I haven't been covering lately).

The Larkstone Legacy

You are officially the first to see the working title of the story I am currently trying to write. I can't give you a synopsis yet, because I haven't quite worked out the plot, but I will tell you that it's about a 17-year-old girl (who happens to be a fairy) named Maliya and what happens to her world when a human stumbles into their forest kingdom. Yes, the human is a boy.

In Memoriam: James McQuary January 23, 1933 - December 15, 2006

Today marks the 2nd anniversary of my maternal grandpa's passing. He was a wonderful husband, father, grandpa, friend, brother, and man of God. I still miss him.

To end on a happier note:

My friend Marisa got married on Saturday! It was so beautiful - Josh, Marisa's husband, is a great guy and I know that they will be so happy together. The wedding was so nice: before the ceremony started, we got to watch the video that Josh's brother Matt made of Josh's surprise proposal this summer when Marisa and our friend Heather were in Costa Rica for school. It was so funny to see how nervous and excited he was, and to be a little part of their story.

Finally:

I am changing my layout. It may be different by the time you see it, but this one (brown) is too serious and boring. Time for something a little more fun. :)

Pretend that I wrote a clever title.

I feel so uninspired lately. Maybe it's because I've been swallowed by the black hole that has become my life, and that's hindered the creative process? We'll see. 

It's just frustrating because a couple of weeks ago I woke up in the middle of the night with a great idea for a story. I proceeded to get out of bed and write 2 solid pages of notes and snatches of the story before my brain let me go back to sleep. I haven't made any progress on it since then. And I don't really know why. Maybe I don't want to write it because it was such a good idea that if it turns out mediocre I will feel bad for it's lost potential. Yes, story ideas have feelings and purpose and a sense of identity that is extremely fragile. Don't laugh at me. 

Yesterday, I began a fledgling version of an online store. I'll let you know what/where it is once I have a few more things up on it. Then you can buy fun things and I will make some money. :)

I need a real job. You know, one that pays every two weeks in an amount that will pay more than my gas and grocery bill. Trouble is, I'm picky. I want to work part time, weekdays only, so I have time for church, theater, and working on this so-called writing that I do. I also don't want to answer phones or make phone calls. See? Picky.

I've reached my word quota for this update. Mostly because I lost my train of thought. More later.

Kindergarten

I always hear people talking about how life was so wonderful in Kindergarten. I also sometimes hear people say they wish they could go back and just be five again because it was easy and uncomplicated. I agree with the first statement. I'm still thinking about the second one.

I had a very long and emotional day. It wasn't anything in particular that happened to set everything off, but a series of... complications. But I felt all day like I had to physically hold myself together to keep from losing it. I spent a significant amount of time talking to God today. I think maybe that was one of the reasons that today happened - so I would remember WHO I am supposed to turn to for everything. 

In Kindergarten, I wouldn't have understood this. I understood God, but not in the way I do now. I would have simply gone crying to my wonderful mother, and she would have given me a hug and made me take a nap. Easy, maybe. But would I have grown from it? Probably not so much.

In Kindergarten, you're friends with everyone. Unless it's the kid who pushed you to get in front of the line for the slide. As an adult, it's harder to get along with everyone, but you also learn who is really going to be there for you as opposed to the kid that only likes you because your mom makes cupcakes for the class. :) 

I am blessed to have found the former type of friend is in my life in multiple. These people hug you instead of asking questions about why you've been crying in public, and they respond kindly to the crazy text messages you send them asking if anyone will notice if you run away.

So, yes, Kindergarten was fun and wonderful and easy, but it was only the practice round. And in spite of all the things that go wrong, I am okay with being a grown up because there is a beauty and wonder in that too, which God reveals to those who are looking and listening.

To Corinth and Back...

Paul wrote to the Corinthians. Paul also wrote to us. I've been mulling this over today as I was thinking about how I feel like I can't express myself very well these days. 

Instead of taking an honest look at myself, I chose to go into hiding. I am like a turtle in that respect, I suppose. Or something to that affect. 

My dear friend Annaliese (who I really consider to be more a sister than merely a friend) was telling me today about what they talked about in her Moms Group Bible Study, and she showed me something that really opened up my eyes. Looking at 1 Corinthians 13, she said they had been challenged to put their own names in place of the word "love" in that famous chapter. And I thought, wow, what would that look like if I tried it? 

Am I patient? Am I kind? Do I protect, trust, hope and persevere? Do I delight in the truth? Or am I envious, boastful, rude and self-seeking? Am I prideful and easily angered? Do I make sure to keep track of the wrongs of others?

If I am being completely honest with myself, I DO make (feeble) attempts to live a life of love, but more often than not, I fall short. I think that perhaps one of the reasons I am having such a hard time coming to grips with my life right now is that I am still a bit shaky on my identity in Christ. I can talk all day until I'm blue in the face about how important my faith is, but if I'm not earnestly seeking after the Heart of God, how on Earth can I ever hope to find my purpose or my identity? 

I am stepping into a few months (or more!) of testing, and it's odd to me that I can see it from this end. I'm not used to preparedness for things like this. But I know that I have several specific challenges before me, specifically in learning a greater measure of patience, finding out how to lead with compassion and wisdom, and speaking the truth in love. I hope to see what the Lord makes me into through this. My hope is that I can find more of my identity in Him, and that I can move forward with confidence into the next phase of my life, wherever that might take me. Faith is being able to take that first step. I know that God will catch me.

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1

Beggin' You For Mercy

My life is upside-down. I've run out of words. I need a new plan. I have no ideas.

God, please won't you tell me what's going on?

Catalyst

I have been struck into silence by all that has transpired in and around me in the past weeks. I don't really remember how I got here, or really where I was headed before now. That is both frightening and reassuring. Frightening because I don't know what's wrong with me, but reassuring because somehow it makes me feel a bit less insane for these choices knowing that the things I had been previously toiling for weren't nearly as life-and-death as I had originally assumed. 

Decisions, Decisions...

Hmmm, it's been a little while, hasn't it? Oh well, I know for a fact that there is only one person who checks this regularly hoping for an update, but she already knows just about everything I would say on here anyway. =)

So, why that title? I'll tell you. It seems like in my life, the strongest constant I have is change. I was trying to explain this to the other gals in my small group last Sunday, and I know it came out kind of confusing, even though they made an effort to understand. Basically, I think that I'm finally getting something together in my life, and then it is flipped upside down without warning. I have come to expect this. I'm not sure if that knowledge is actually helpful, or if it just makes me more sad that I know my life is in a constant state of flux and I just shouldn't bother getting comfortable with things. Ever. 

I'd really like for some things to settle down. Right now, all I can do is hope for that while muddling through the rest. But I guess that is okay for now. I'm young, and I have the rest of my life for things to become boring and routine. 

Back to the title. I feel like I am constantly making life-altering decisions. This seems to happen about every 3 months. And when I say life-altering, I mean it. I have spent the last four years of my life making decision after decision about my education, and still I feel like very little has been accomplished. I have attended 2 state universities and a community college. I possess an Associate's Degree. That is a small accomplishment, yes, but I still feel like nothing has really been finished. Now, here I am, 2 years after finishing said degree, and I still don't know what the heck I'm doing. And I am starting to feel like I am molding. Okay, I'm not green yet, but I'm also not 19 years old anymore. I need to get something done and get on with my life. The question that remains is, What does that look like in reality?

As my "niece" Evie says, "I need options!" 

More on this later as the story develops. 

On the Lighter Side...

(Eagle Creek - July 31, 2008)

I have been rediscovering an old love recently: Hiking.

It's been a much-needed reminder that God knows what He's doing. And that He does great work. So I don't really have that much to worry about. In that, I rest.

Turbulence

I need validation.

I need to know that someone can love me - the mess that I am - without needing me to change first into some ideal that they have. 

I know God loves me. I know that is supposed to be enough. Is it so wrong of me to feel like it's not enough though? I feel like such a terrible person for even voicing that. 

I've felt like a terrible person a lot lately. I don't like that.

I feel like I am listless - a tiny boat lost at sea, bouncing around from wave to wave. My compass doesn't point north anymore. I don't know where I am, or where I am going, or even where I really want to go. How could anyone want a mess like this?

I need to know if someone even could. 

Rational Thinking?

I've been trying to pretend lately that I'm not an adult. It isn't working. 

I remember that in high school, it seemed like if I didn't want to deal with a problem, I ignored it. Usually it went away. I think this was due to the fact that most of my "problems" in high school revolved around teenage angst and drama between friends. Therefore, most of that stuff did dissolve in a matter of days. 

Things weigh more heavily and tend to have more consequences as we age. Every decision costs us something. Is the positive of a situation ever worth the possible negatives that come with it?

I used to go with the flow a lot more. I am now almost consumed by a raging debate in my head over every little thing. It takes me forever to make a decision because I worry about all possibilities. I used to do a lot of rash, stupid things. I do have a few regrets, but in general I made pretty good decisions. The bad decisions are the ones I learned from. Logically, that would make me a smarter person, with even better decision-making skills.

So, why don't I trust myself now?

Transitions

Is there ever a good time to change your own circumstances?

There comes a moment in most of life's scenarios when we reach what is called a "breaking point." Here we are presented with two options: Forge your own path and jump in head first...or wait to see where the cards fall on their own.

Both options present problems of varying terror - meaning that ultimately, we are afraid of the results of either choice. The trouble with the waiting option is just that - the waiting. Being patient is terrible. Also, we live in a very impatient culture...we want what we want, and we want it the way we want it, and we want it NOW. It's very much the Veruca Salt Mentality. "Daddy, I want the golden goose NOW!"

Yeah, too bad that goose led to Veruca's demise. Hence the potential danger of our other option: diving in head first to the unknown opens you up to a potential world of terrible results and unanticipated hurts. Sometimes, the hurts we are blindsided by don't go away very easily either. 

So now we are back at that breaking point and you have to ask, "Is this worth the potential damage of quick action, or might it be more worth it to tough it out and wait?"

Revision

I want to know what's coming next. - Me, June 24, 2008

I have since changed my mind. Part of the beauty of being a human is that we don't get to know what's coming next.

What I do get is to be awake and alive, staring at the possibilities of what life can be when I am truly leaning on and trusting in God. And for one of the first times in my life, I am surrounded by people who are actually pouring encouragement into me and through shared experiences we are learning about life and God together. It's refreshing because I've never lived my life like this before. I've spent a lot of time as a spiritual hermit, and as a result of that I have spent a lot of years wasted in the sense that I haven't been experiencing faith with other Christians. It changes so much.

And for that I am so thankful and hopeful for whatever is coming.

Romance and all that Icky Love Stuff

I am watching my views on many things change before my eyes in very unexpected ways. I think this might mean I am finally starting to grow up, but I am not sure. We'll see.

For quite some time now, I have been a very cynical person. I didn't realize until recently however, that that was actually what had happened to me. Now that I recognize it though, I am finding I am very able to change those tendencies and behaviors. This makes me hopeful. I have been cynical about mankind in general. I have been cynical about politics. I have been greatly cynical about love. This is mostly due to the fact that I honestly believed that I wouldn't be finding love anytime soon, if ever.

I am talking in terms of what you might call "romantic love." The kind of love that leads to marriage and babies and happily ever after and finally being "Mrs. Darcy." Yes. I made the Pride and Prejudice reference. Now wait. I need to say something about Pride and Prejudice. As a girl, it is technically my duty to adore this book and everything it stands for. I often hear young women (and not-so-young women) telling young men that P&P contains everything you need to know to understand a woman, and will therefore, basically, unlock the secrets of the Universe. I used to subscribe to this theory, because, as a girl, it was expected. 

You know what I think though? I think that if women are truly honest with themselves, they don't really want their lives to be like Pride & Prejudice. Don't get me wrong, it's a nice story and all, and I think a lot of people can get swept up in the characters and the language and Lizzy's boldness and the awkwardness that Mr. Collins encompasses. But it isn't truth. And I don't really think that in the end it's all that romantic either. I realize that I will probably be executed for saying this. But I think that this romance stuff that people are so desperate for is not what you find in fiction.

I think that God is terribly romantic though. He loves with a fierce and unyielding love that is not shaken, and he pursues those he loves to the ends of the earth, even when they don't want him. God loves me this way. And it's the same way that he loves you too. 

Because of God, I am finding that I am a romantic after all, too. And I believe that I will find the "romantic love" that I am looking for because God wants us to have that kind of love. He created that kind of love. He created people to need each other. More importantly, he created people to need HIM.

I'm finding that true love might not actually be as emotional as it is painted in the movies. And I find that thought refreshing. Sure, love includes feelings, but it is so much more than that, too. I can't really wrap my brain all the way around that concept, but I am slowly starting to figure things out - mostly from observing other people in my life who know what love is.

Maybe I'll get there one of these days after all.

Plot Points

I feel like I'm ready for things to be different from how they are. Change doesn't often get the chance to sneak up on me these days. I think I've kind of gotten used to things not being constant. For some time now, I've felt that something new was coming, but I didn't know what it was. I still don't fully understand the gravity of what may come, but I'm bracing for it. More importantly, this change feels very hopeful, like when I was in 5th grade and found out my family was moving to Tennessee. I was more excited than scared because I hadn't experienced anything like it before.

I want to know what's coming next.

I started reading Donald Miller's Blue Like Jazz today, and it is quietly blowing my mind. I have definitely spent too much time away from learning new things, because I'm taking this book in like water. I'm making a personal determination to become a scholar again. For the first time, though, I'm not interested in studying fiction. I want to learn about life and faith and real people. If anyone out there has suggestions for me, I'd love to hear them, but for now, I think that I'm due for C. S. Lewis' Mere Christianity next.

Expectations

I am consistently amazed at the way my life is turning out. It looks absolutely NOTHING like the life I imagined for myself as I was growing up. All I can say is, "Thank goodness!"

The things I have learned and discovered in the last few days have been enough to blow my entire existence into a new realm. Things that in the past I may have thought were impossible, weird, or at the very least, unconventional (and a younger version of myself was nothing if not conventional) seem like interesting possibilities now. Things that could stretch me to be a stronger and more well-rounded, caring person. This is strange because one part of my mind (I'm actually not sure that it's the logical part these days) is saying, "Shouldn't you naturally think the opposite of this?" but the rest of me is overpowering it with this simple question: "Why does it have to be that way?"

I know this is vague, but choosing to get into details and explanations is, at present, too much information for this forum.

Basically, many elements of my life are currently being challenged. This is an amazing thing to have happen, even though it opens me up to a lot of confusion. I can't even imagine the positive growth that can come from this.

I feel like my brain might explode from thinking too much. And that is my happy thought for today.

Precipice

Sometimes, I don't recognize myself.

I'm afraid of just about everything. Failure, rejection, what people will think of me if I don't meet their expectations. When I was little, I was definitely a lot more brave. I was excited when I found out we were moving when I was in 5th grade. I don't even remember being nervous when I started my new school (or the next 2 new schools after that). 

Now though, I can't stand the thought of putting myself in a new situation with people I don't know. It terrifies me. This to me is strange, because I generally like making new friends, I guess I just don't like the uncertainty of the "newness." Too much could go wrong.

Today I found myself on a precipice. I was on the back porch, trying to get the dog back inside because she was barking, and I looked out at the rain-soaked lawn and thought, "How long has it been since I've gotten muddy?" So I made a decision. I ran out into the yard in my bare feet and played chase with the dog. And I didn't care about being dirty or cold. I just soaked up the air and the sight of raindrops clinging to leaves and how good everything smelled. I need to do things like that more often.

I've been living in a cage that I designed for myself to keep me safe. 

Hands and Feet

This last week has been crazy. Last weekend I flew with my family down to Fresno, CA for my cousin Eric's wedding. What an amazing experience that was! I have been to quite a few weddings in the last few years, but none really touched me like Eric and Abby's did. I was a wreck from start to finish! God really spoke to my heart during the ceremony, and I realized that that is exactly what I want my (future) marriage to look like: Christ-centered and honest. My cousin really blew me away by the man of God he has grown into. I'm so proud of both him and Abby.

On a slightly related topic, I have been feeling a strange pull toward missions lately. This has always been a tough area for me, because I am not evangelically inclined. I can't walk up to people I don't know and start talking about the Lord. It's just not in me, as much as I might want to tell someone about Jesus. I remember a couple of years ago I was thinking about this topic in a similar manner when my church was preparing to go to Nicaragua on a missions trip. Part of me really wanted to go, but I didn't feel called to it, so I decided not to go. I heard someone say something once about missions that resonated with me, and I think I have always carried it with me. They said something to the effect of, "You don't always have to tell people about Jesus with words." To me, that means that if you love someone the way Jesus loved people, they will come to understand Christ's love in that way.

I think that is how I was called to missions. Maybe I'm just supposed to go somewhere and HELP people. I want to go to Africa or Asia and take care of orphans, or help people get clean water and protection from disease. I know that I wasn't made to stand on street corners and proclaim the Gospel like some people were made, but I can serve. And for me, that in itself is a mind-blowing revelation, because I never saw myself as that person before. But I really think that God designed me for a lot of things that I just never saw until now. I still don't really know what that looks like yet, because I also don't believe I was meant to serve alone. I believe I was built for a partnership, which I haven't been made a part of yet. But I think God is definitely showing me a glimmer of what's in my future. With that hope, I move forward.

"I am willing, but I'm so afraid...you give me strength when I say...I wanna be your hands, I wanna be your feet...I'll go where you send me, go where you send me...And I'll try, yeah I'll try, to touch the world like you've touched my life...And I'll find my way to be your hands..." (Hands and Feet by Audio Adrenaline)

Introverts Unite!

I came across this article, Caring for You Introvert, by Jonathan Rauch, on a friend's blog today, and I thought it worth sharing. If you have the time, I would recommend reading it.

I learned a lot about both the friend who posted it (who is very much an introvert) and myself (yes, I too, am an introvert, it turns out...). I mean, I've kind of always known I was introverted (my family always called it "shy" though), and just last week I did one of those Jungian (based on the theories of Carl Jung) personality quizzes that told me I was introverted. So this isn't really news to me, so much as further realization of how to qualify myself. While I definitely have introverted tendencies, I am not an extreme introvert, because I do relish prolonged social interaction, and I don't really need time to recuperate from being around people in the same sense that the article illustrates. I have to say though, it was kind of eye-opening to read this, because for years I have tried to make myself more "outgoing." I've always thought that I needed to be louder or talk more or just be more exciting. Turns out, not being those things isn't a defect, it's just ME. 

I've been battling with myself because I have moments (actually quite a few of them) when I just don't feel like being around people because it's too much for me to deal with on a given day. Here I was, thinking that made me a jerk and a bad friend for not always wanting to "hang out" at the drop of a hat, when really, I just need some quiet time. I'm not trying to be a hermit.

That's the whole thing, I think. I LOVE PEOPLE. I love being around people, especially my close friends. And I love talking, when we're talking about real stuff. I am terrible at small talk - I hate it actually, which is probably why I'm generally awkward at meeting new people. I like new people, I just never know what to say!

Okay, enough analysis. Here are some of the quotes I found particularly enlightening (some of them I simply found entertaining) if you don't want to read the whole article.

"Introverts are not necessarily shy. Shy people are anxious or frightened or self-excoriating in social settings; introverts generally are not."

"For introverts, to be alone with our thoughts is as restorative as sleeping, as nourishing as eating. Our motto: 'I'm okay, you're okay—in small doses.'"

"...many actors, I've read, are introverts, and many introverts, when socializing, feel like actors."

"As [Calvin] Coolidge is supposed to have said, 'Don't you know that four fifths of all our troubles in this life would disappear if we would just sit down and keep still?' (He is also supposed to have said, 'If you don't say anything, you won't be called on to repeat it.' The only thing a true introvert dislikes more than talking about himself is repeating himself.)"

"Female introverts, I suspect, must suffer especially. In certain circles, particularly in the Midwest, a man can still sometimes get away with being what they used to call a strong and silent type; introverted women, lacking that alternative, are even more likely than men to be perceived as timid, withdrawn, haughty."

This is the Score

I wish I had taken my camera with me yesterday, but the venue didn't allow cameras, and I didn't want to leave mine in the car, so I went without. Sadly. But then, I would just be torturing you with random pictures of people in a car. 

The three-hour + drive to Bend, OR was well worth it though, let me tell you. For my birthday, my brother Colin bought tickets for us and two friends to go down to the Death Cab for Cutie/The Decemberists show at the amphitheater. It was a great birthday present, even though I had to wait 2 months after my birthday to have it. Good things come to those who wait, right? 

Anyway, we got there halfway through the Decemberists' set, which was unfortunate, because I had never seen them live before, and it also meant that we missed the first band, Mates of State. I had really been looking forward to seeing them live. :( Moving on though, we were there in plenty of time for the real reason we had gone. And it's an understatement to say that I was not disappointed with Death Cab's show. After seeing them twice now, and having seen a few of my other favorite bands live, Death Cab is by far my favorite band to see live. Their performance quality is amazing, their songs sound just as good, if not better than on their studio albums, and they just seem like really down-to-earth guys. Totally professional, too.

Even though they just released a new album (Narrow Stairs - which is fantastic, by the way), and they played quite a few of the new songs, they also played all of my favorites from their earlier albums, and some that I hadn't heard before (I'm still missing their earliest material). 

Basically, it was a great show, I had fun with my brother and our friends, and I would do it again every few weeks if I could.

Also, on the way home, Colin was playing this amazing album that I hadn't heard before. He told me that it was Chris Walla's solo album. So, if you're a fan of Death Cab, or even if you aren't, you should check out Chris Walla's Field Manual. (Chris is the guitarist/keyboardist/additional vocals guy in Death Cab.)

Alright, time to go watch a movie with the family, so that's it for now!

Plans

No matter how much planning you might do for something, it will never turn out exactly the way you expect it. This is not always a bad thing, contrary to popular belief.

Speaking of Plans, I'm on my way out soon for the Death Cab for Cutie show. I am so excited, but definitely more wound up right now than I should be. Everyone is running late, as usual. I don't know why this should be an issue for me, because I am almost always late. But since I have to be ready and waiting for everyone else to show up here, it makes me nervous. Hence the blogging. I'm ready, for once, and just sitting around.

This post has nothing to do with productivity, but I keep laughing whenever I look at my Office quotes desk calendar, so I think I'll share the quote of the day with you.

"Productivity is important, but how can I be productive if I have this one little thing in my brain that I cannot get out? And that one little thing is a soft pretzel. So I'm just going to have my soft pretzel and I'll get to work, and I'm going to be super-productive. Look out for me!" -Michael Scott, The Office

I actually understand what his logic is here, which is funny, because Michael Scott is NOT a logical person. I often find myself wanting to be productive, but feeling completely distracted by something else, and I think, "okay, if I can get this other thing out of the way, then I can take care of the things that I really need to be working on."

I have no clue if that even makes sense, but that's just the way it is. 

No Sunlight

Everything is so serious in my life these days, and that bugs me. I mean, I'm twenty-two. I should be having more fun than I am! 

That isn't to say that I never have fun, it just seems like I spend so much time acting like an "adult" that I kind of forget that I'm not that old. I love laughing, but I definitely feel like I don't do enough of it. There isn't always enough to laugh about.

I'm not being cynical, just honest. I think what I might really need is more sun. Trapped up here in the Pacific Northwest is starting to have a really draining effect on this Southern California/Arizona-raised girl. That's not to say that there aren't some things I like about living here. I just relish every second I get to spend in other warmer, drier, happier climates. And those moments are few and far between it seems. 

Fresno, CA in one week for the cousin's wedding. Now that, I am looking forward to! Family and SUN. It doesn't get much better. 

Amongst the vending machines, and year-old magazines...

I'm thinking about music's connection to the soul. I know, I know, I am completely random - but the longer you hang around here, the more you will continue to figure that out. :)

Anyway, I'm listening to Death Cab for Cutie's album Plans and thinking about how much of an impact this particular album has had on my life. I mean, it's hard to explain, but these songs helped me get through a really tough time in my life a year and a half ago. My grandfather was dying, in a painful and sad way, and my family was trying so hard to hold itself together, and things were, to put it lightly, a bit of a mess. I honestly can't say what I would have done if not for my family, and my faith, and my belief that my grandpa was a born-again Christian - a disciple of Jesus Christ. That was my one happy thought during that time. I know that I know that I know that he is no longer in pain, and he is with his Saviour. How can I possibly know this? Because he lived his life loving people the way Christ loved, and when he prayed for us, his heart was just right there, being poured out and proclaiming Christ.

I loved my grandpa. And I still miss him every day. And it's funny, because I wasn't thinking about any of this until I started Plans on my iTunes. There's definitely a connection between music and memory. I have no doubt about that. And there are some songs on this album that just make me smile and sing along. And there is one, "What Sarah Said," that makes me cry to this day because of it's paralleled lyrics to my life when I first heard it. 

So, that is my vignette for the day. I'm particularly excited for Saturday, because I'm going with my brother and a couple of friends to Bend, OR to see Death Cab in concert! It will definitely be a good time. More on that later.

Thanks for tuning in...if you did.

On Books

I'm wondering if I am the only person bothered by the fact that C.S. Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia were re-arranged and republished in the new order after Lewis' death. I can't possibly be the only person who wishes that they could have just left well-enough alone.

Maybe it is just me. But I can't help but be struck by how wonderful the books were in their original order - like the children, we as readers were strangers in a new world, trying to piece together the parts of a magnificent mystery. Sure, the books are a tatch more logical when put in chronological order, but Narnia isn't just about the history of Narnia. It's a look at growing up, discovering faith, learning how to apply that faith when you aren't a child any longer. I love how we move through the journey of learning those things and then having to return to the everyday world of home, first with Peter and Susan, then with Edmund and Lucy, later with Eustace and Jill, and so on down the line. I  realize that we don't meet all of the characters in order, but it's the timeline of putting the world together in little bits that was so fascinating for me as a child, and even now as a young adult. 

I loved that The Magician's Nephew was book 6. You spend all these years learning about Narnia and the children that have lived there and visited there, and then you get to go back by a happy accident (or is it a carefully planned adventure?) and see how everything came to be before everyone else got there.

That's my two cents. At least they left The Last Battle where it was! :)

For anyone wishing to take the journey through Narnia in the original order, please read the books this way:

The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe

Prince Caspian

The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

The Silver Chair

The Horse and His Boy

The Magician's Nephew

The Last Battle

starting over...again.

It is my personal challenge to be real and honest. I would have thought that by this time in my life, that would be a much easier task to accomplish than it is.

I'm not sure why I created a new blog here when I already have one up and running, but I guess this one is more of a test for me. Can I really do this? Will I commit to actually making this something? I suppose all we can do is wait and see.

Girl, meet words. :) An excellent start.