I'm afraid of just about everything. Failure, rejection, what people will think of me if I don't meet their expectations. When I was little, I was definitely a lot more brave. I was excited when I found out we were moving when I was in 5th grade. I don't even remember being nervous when I started my new school (or the next 2 new schools after that).
Now though, I can't stand the thought of putting myself in a new situation with people I don't know. It terrifies me. This to me is strange, because I generally like making new friends, I guess I just don't like the uncertainty of the "newness." Too much could go wrong.
Today I found myself on a precipice. I was on the back porch, trying to get the dog back inside because she was barking, and I looked out at the rain-soaked lawn and thought, "How long has it been since I've gotten muddy?" So I made a decision. I ran out into the yard in my bare feet and played chase with the dog. And I didn't care about being dirty or cold. I just soaked up the air and the sight of raindrops clinging to leaves and how good everything smelled. I need to do things like that more often.
I've been living in a cage that I designed for myself to keep me safe.