Monday, July 28, 2008

Rational Thinking?

I've been trying to pretend lately that I'm not an adult. It isn't working. 

I remember that in high school, it seemed like if I didn't want to deal with a problem, I ignored it. Usually it went away. I think this was due to the fact that most of my "problems" in high school revolved around teenage angst and drama between friends. Therefore, most of that stuff did dissolve in a matter of days. 

Things weigh more heavily and tend to have more consequences as we age. Every decision costs us something. Is the positive of a situation ever worth the possible negatives that come with it?

I used to go with the flow a lot more. I am now almost consumed by a raging debate in my head over every little thing. It takes me forever to make a decision because I worry about all possibilities. I used to do a lot of rash, stupid things. I do have a few regrets, but in general I made pretty good decisions. The bad decisions are the ones I learned from. Logically, that would make me a smarter person, with even better decision-making skills.

So, why don't I trust myself now?

Thursday, July 24, 2008


Is there ever a good time to change your own circumstances?

There comes a moment in most of life's scenarios when we reach what is called a "breaking point." Here we are presented with two options: Forge your own path and jump in head first...or wait to see where the cards fall on their own.

Both options present problems of varying terror - meaning that ultimately, we are afraid of the results of either choice. The trouble with the waiting option is just that - the waiting. Being patient is terrible. Also, we live in a very impatient culture...we want what we want, and we want it the way we want it, and we want it NOW. It's very much the Veruca Salt Mentality. "Daddy, I want the golden goose NOW!"

Yeah, too bad that goose led to Veruca's demise. Hence the potential danger of our other option: diving in head first to the unknown opens you up to a potential world of terrible results and unanticipated hurts. Sometimes, the hurts we are blindsided by don't go away very easily either. 

So now we are back at that breaking point and you have to ask, "Is this worth the potential damage of quick action, or might it be more worth it to tough it out and wait?"

Sunday, July 13, 2008


I want to know what's coming next. - Me, June 24, 2008

I have since changed my mind. Part of the beauty of being a human is that we don't get to know what's coming next.

What I do get is to be awake and alive, staring at the possibilities of what life can be when I am truly leaning on and trusting in God. And for one of the first times in my life, I am surrounded by people who are actually pouring encouragement into me and through shared experiences we are learning about life and God together. It's refreshing because I've never lived my life like this before. I've spent a lot of time as a spiritual hermit, and as a result of that I have spent a lot of years wasted in the sense that I haven't been experiencing faith with other Christians. It changes so much.

And for that I am so thankful and hopeful for whatever is coming.