Fact: Snow Makes Northwest Kids Dumb

So, it's winter. I live in the Northwest United States. Typically those two statements combined equal buckets of rain. Not this year.

That is my backyard. Note the lamppost on the right. No, we are not in Narnia. What the heck?!

This is my street.

My mom had been in the house (well, at least not leaving the yard) since Friday, and she decided that enough was enough. Plus, we needed more food! So we decided to walk to Fred Meyer, which is across the street from our little neighborhood. Thus the reasoning behind why snow makes us dumb. We are not normally dumb, I promise. 

BUT, in my opinion, leaving the house when the temperature is the same as my age is a dumb thing to do. We did it anyway, because it was time to get out of the house.

This is me. *smile*

This is my mom.

We trekked to the store and back, and neither of us fell over. So the trip was a success, all things considered. =) We also stopped in at Starbucks, because that is a requirement if you live in the Northwest. The place was packed! Ask me if I was surprised. ... Nope, not a bit! We have more the TEN INCHES of snow on the ground, but they can't keep us away from our legal substances! Not a chance! Mr. Starbucks must be very proud of what he's created. I know I am. 

Finally, some further proof that we are nuts (as if we needed more!), here is a picture of my dog. Because she is as certifiable as the rest of us. A sane person (or dog) would not stay outside long enough in this weather to turn out like this:

(Say "Hi," Bridgette!)

I hope you all are enjoying a safe and fun time in the snow! Me? I'll be inside, admiring the beauty while drinking my coffee and dreaming of a green Christmas. =)

Out of the Black Night...

More like out of the black hole. I kind of got sucked into the craziness of everything going on around me, and lost track of things that existed outside of my schedule. Like this blog for instance. Here are a few thing worth mentioning about today (and the days near it, which I haven't been covering lately).

The Larkstone Legacy

You are officially the first to see the working title of the story I am currently trying to write. I can't give you a synopsis yet, because I haven't quite worked out the plot, but I will tell you that it's about a 17-year-old girl (who happens to be a fairy) named Maliya and what happens to her world when a human stumbles into their forest kingdom. Yes, the human is a boy.

In Memoriam: James McQuary January 23, 1933 - December 15, 2006

Today marks the 2nd anniversary of my maternal grandpa's passing. He was a wonderful husband, father, grandpa, friend, brother, and man of God. I still miss him.

To end on a happier note:

My friend Marisa got married on Saturday! It was so beautiful - Josh, Marisa's husband, is a great guy and I know that they will be so happy together. The wedding was so nice: before the ceremony started, we got to watch the video that Josh's brother Matt made of Josh's surprise proposal this summer when Marisa and our friend Heather were in Costa Rica for school. It was so funny to see how nervous and excited he was, and to be a little part of their story.

Finally:

I am changing my layout. It may be different by the time you see it, but this one (brown) is too serious and boring. Time for something a little more fun. :)

Beggin' You For Mercy

My life is upside-down. I've run out of words. I need a new plan. I have no ideas.

God, please won't you tell me what's going on?

Catalyst

I have been struck into silence by all that has transpired in and around me in the past weeks. I don't really remember how I got here, or really where I was headed before now. That is both frightening and reassuring. Frightening because I don't know what's wrong with me, but reassuring because somehow it makes me feel a bit less insane for these choices knowing that the things I had been previously toiling for weren't nearly as life-and-death as I had originally assumed. 

Decisions, Decisions...

Hmmm, it's been a little while, hasn't it? Oh well, I know for a fact that there is only one person who checks this regularly hoping for an update, but she already knows just about everything I would say on here anyway. =)

So, why that title? I'll tell you. It seems like in my life, the strongest constant I have is change. I was trying to explain this to the other gals in my small group last Sunday, and I know it came out kind of confusing, even though they made an effort to understand. Basically, I think that I'm finally getting something together in my life, and then it is flipped upside down without warning. I have come to expect this. I'm not sure if that knowledge is actually helpful, or if it just makes me more sad that I know my life is in a constant state of flux and I just shouldn't bother getting comfortable with things. Ever. 

I'd really like for some things to settle down. Right now, all I can do is hope for that while muddling through the rest. But I guess that is okay for now. I'm young, and I have the rest of my life for things to become boring and routine. 

Back to the title. I feel like I am constantly making life-altering decisions. This seems to happen about every 3 months. And when I say life-altering, I mean it. I have spent the last four years of my life making decision after decision about my education, and still I feel like very little has been accomplished. I have attended 2 state universities and a community college. I possess an Associate's Degree. That is a small accomplishment, yes, but I still feel like nothing has really been finished. Now, here I am, 2 years after finishing said degree, and I still don't know what the heck I'm doing. And I am starting to feel like I am molding. Okay, I'm not green yet, but I'm also not 19 years old anymore. I need to get something done and get on with my life. The question that remains is, What does that look like in reality?

As my "niece" Evie says, "I need options!" 

More on this later as the story develops. 

Plot Points

I feel like I'm ready for things to be different from how they are. Change doesn't often get the chance to sneak up on me these days. I think I've kind of gotten used to things not being constant. For some time now, I've felt that something new was coming, but I didn't know what it was. I still don't fully understand the gravity of what may come, but I'm bracing for it. More importantly, this change feels very hopeful, like when I was in 5th grade and found out my family was moving to Tennessee. I was more excited than scared because I hadn't experienced anything like it before.

I want to know what's coming next.

I started reading Donald Miller's Blue Like Jazz today, and it is quietly blowing my mind. I have definitely spent too much time away from learning new things, because I'm taking this book in like water. I'm making a personal determination to become a scholar again. For the first time, though, I'm not interested in studying fiction. I want to learn about life and faith and real people. If anyone out there has suggestions for me, I'd love to hear them, but for now, I think that I'm due for C. S. Lewis' Mere Christianity next.

Expectations

I am consistently amazed at the way my life is turning out. It looks absolutely NOTHING like the life I imagined for myself as I was growing up. All I can say is, "Thank goodness!"

The things I have learned and discovered in the last few days have been enough to blow my entire existence into a new realm. Things that in the past I may have thought were impossible, weird, or at the very least, unconventional (and a younger version of myself was nothing if not conventional) seem like interesting possibilities now. Things that could stretch me to be a stronger and more well-rounded, caring person. This is strange because one part of my mind (I'm actually not sure that it's the logical part these days) is saying, "Shouldn't you naturally think the opposite of this?" but the rest of me is overpowering it with this simple question: "Why does it have to be that way?"

I know this is vague, but choosing to get into details and explanations is, at present, too much information for this forum.

Basically, many elements of my life are currently being challenged. This is an amazing thing to have happen, even though it opens me up to a lot of confusion. I can't even imagine the positive growth that can come from this.

I feel like my brain might explode from thinking too much. And that is my happy thought for today.

Precipice

Sometimes, I don't recognize myself.

I'm afraid of just about everything. Failure, rejection, what people will think of me if I don't meet their expectations. When I was little, I was definitely a lot more brave. I was excited when I found out we were moving when I was in 5th grade. I don't even remember being nervous when I started my new school (or the next 2 new schools after that). 

Now though, I can't stand the thought of putting myself in a new situation with people I don't know. It terrifies me. This to me is strange, because I generally like making new friends, I guess I just don't like the uncertainty of the "newness." Too much could go wrong.

Today I found myself on a precipice. I was on the back porch, trying to get the dog back inside because she was barking, and I looked out at the rain-soaked lawn and thought, "How long has it been since I've gotten muddy?" So I made a decision. I ran out into the yard in my bare feet and played chase with the dog. And I didn't care about being dirty or cold. I just soaked up the air and the sight of raindrops clinging to leaves and how good everything smelled. I need to do things like that more often.

I've been living in a cage that I designed for myself to keep me safe. 

Hands and Feet

This last week has been crazy. Last weekend I flew with my family down to Fresno, CA for my cousin Eric's wedding. What an amazing experience that was! I have been to quite a few weddings in the last few years, but none really touched me like Eric and Abby's did. I was a wreck from start to finish! God really spoke to my heart during the ceremony, and I realized that that is exactly what I want my (future) marriage to look like: Christ-centered and honest. My cousin really blew me away by the man of God he has grown into. I'm so proud of both him and Abby.

On a slightly related topic, I have been feeling a strange pull toward missions lately. This has always been a tough area for me, because I am not evangelically inclined. I can't walk up to people I don't know and start talking about the Lord. It's just not in me, as much as I might want to tell someone about Jesus. I remember a couple of years ago I was thinking about this topic in a similar manner when my church was preparing to go to Nicaragua on a missions trip. Part of me really wanted to go, but I didn't feel called to it, so I decided not to go. I heard someone say something once about missions that resonated with me, and I think I have always carried it with me. They said something to the effect of, "You don't always have to tell people about Jesus with words." To me, that means that if you love someone the way Jesus loved people, they will come to understand Christ's love in that way.

I think that is how I was called to missions. Maybe I'm just supposed to go somewhere and HELP people. I want to go to Africa or Asia and take care of orphans, or help people get clean water and protection from disease. I know that I wasn't made to stand on street corners and proclaim the Gospel like some people were made, but I can serve. And for me, that in itself is a mind-blowing revelation, because I never saw myself as that person before. But I really think that God designed me for a lot of things that I just never saw until now. I still don't really know what that looks like yet, because I also don't believe I was meant to serve alone. I believe I was built for a partnership, which I haven't been made a part of yet. But I think God is definitely showing me a glimmer of what's in my future. With that hope, I move forward.

"I am willing, but I'm so afraid...you give me strength when I say...I wanna be your hands, I wanna be your feet...I'll go where you send me, go where you send me...And I'll try, yeah I'll try, to touch the world like you've touched my life...And I'll find my way to be your hands..." (Hands and Feet by Audio Adrenaline)

starting over...again.

It is my personal challenge to be real and honest. I would have thought that by this time in my life, that would be a much easier task to accomplish than it is.

I'm not sure why I created a new blog here when I already have one up and running, but I guess this one is more of a test for me. Can I really do this? Will I commit to actually making this something? I suppose all we can do is wait and see.

Girl, meet words. :) An excellent start.