Wednesday, September 16, 2009


Like an old pair of jeans.

Like a memory that used to be so clear, but when you pull it out now to look at it, not all of the pieces fit together anymore.

Like the last time I was sure which direction I was headed. Now I can't even remember why I was going there. Or why I thought it was such a great idea in the first place.

The pain of past hurts is dulled significantly like those old jeans as they go through the wash. I am thankful for that element of memory - if things didn't drift away from us with time, I don't know how anyone would ever move forward. And we become more comfortable (or I guess that's the hope) with who we are because of what we've been through. Each wash, each trial makes us a little stronger, a little more resilient, a little more open to love.

Thank you, Lord, for washing me again.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

oh, snap.

I've been looking at so many things incorrectly for a while now. Do you ever have one of those moments that feels like a sucker punch to the stomach of realization? I hate those. But most often, it's those moments that actually make me sit up and listen.

I think sometimes (ok, a lot of the time!) I find it easier to perhaps 'misinterpret' information because the direct truth is unpleasant, or too challenging at the moment to digest. For months now, maybe even years, I've been hearing one thing that's been spoken to me over and over again that I've heard solely as something other than what was intended by the speaker. Why? Because maybe it was easier to 'hear' what was being said and get angry at that person for saying it than to take ownership of what was being given to me in those words and make something of it.

Excuses, excuses. And I'm tired of them. Finally I've been able to realize the true content, and decide with a level head what action to take as a result. I feel so much more stable and coherent now. And although the path in front of me is a rocky one, I'm ready now to take it.

So, thanks to those who've kept hitting me over the head with persistence. And thank you, Lord, for opening my ears and heart to receive it. The sense has been knocked into me now. :)

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

i love you, you're perfect, now change...

First, credit goes to Joe DiPietro for coining such a wonderfully terrible sentiment.

I often feel like this is my life. Not because people actually say this to me, but simply because this is so much the culture that surrounds us. It becomes ingrained whether we are inclined to believe it or not. And for me, it tends to be a bit of a driving force.

It seems like every time I turn around, I hit a wall. Whatever progress I might make in a particular direction, I always come upon that sign that says, "Nope. Not good enough."

Okay, when is 'good enough' then? How do we get there? And what standards are we going by here, anyway? Should we not be striving for God's standards, rather than the standards of the world? Easier said than done, I know.

It's so easy to be consumed by what outside sources are feeding us, and it makes me so frustrated that I fall victim to it all time and again. Where does it stop?

"Be still, and know that I am God..." Psalm 46:10a

It's funny, that's not where I was planning on going here, necessarily, but it's so good. Step back, shut up, calm down, and listen to the One who has things under control. I think I'll try that, but I'm do you deal with the "I love you, you're perfect, now change" mentality that we live with? I know I can't be the only one affected by this.