shaking off the dust

Phew!  Four months into the year already? How did this happen? My second semester at Northwest took off at a lightning-fast pace, and it hasn't slowed down yet at all! Hence my utter lack of updates. There are too many things to talk about now, considering my lack of time (study break is almost over), but know that life is blurring past and I am simply trying to live in the middle of it and take it all in so I may the memories of this time in the years to come.

Just about 3.5 weeks left of the semester, and then my first year here will be finished. I still can't believe how quick and how amazing this year has been! I am exhausted from my studies, though, and ready for a break, but not as excited about seeing some dear friends graduate and move on from here. Next year will definitely be different, but hopefully no less wonderful!

In the meantime, I am slogging through papers, hoping for sleep, and looking forward to my much-anticipated adventure to Southern California in a little over a month!

wrapping it up

I've been sifting through my brain for days, trying to decide how to wrap up this year with words. What I have found through all my sifting is that I don't know how to wrap this year up. It's uncontainable for me. And that is a very good thing, I think.

So much has happened in my life, and I couldn't be more thankful (for once) for ALL of the change that has accompanied 2010. It was all welcome change, and most has been so monumental for me personally that I am still largely in the middle of processing it. 

Particularly within the last four months, I have lived outside of my comfort zone in such a way that all of my 24 years of previous living experience has been shaken. It's amazing. I have grown so much, and through some powerful and sometimes difficult conversations with a few new close friends I have discovered that my self-perception has been skewed to an extreme of inaccuracy. So many things that I've always told myself (or heard from outside sources) that I was bad at or couldn't do or didn't have the personality for have been placed in front of me and conquered. I think maybe God is trying to teach me a few things here! Gladly, I accept them. 

So far, just in the past four months I have:

1. moved to a new city where I didn't know a soul 

2. transferred to a new university where I also didn't know a soul and 

3. started being a student again after 4 very long years

4. made friends with people who still don't believe that I'm truly an introvert (who knew I could be outgoing???)

5. joined the most boisterous student group that exists at NU - the Student Activities Board. As a division of the Student Government, we plan, implement, and are the face of all the "fun stuff" that happens at the university. That's right, I do the "fun stuff." ha.

6. applied for a leadership position on SAB (and got it!). Next semester I will be an Event Coordinator - I have another EC to partner with, and we are responsible for making sure our specific events get organized and off the ground...I'll even have a team of SAB members to work with. weird. but exciting.

7. not only survived a debate in my communications class, but got an A on it - which if you know me at all is a huge victory, as I have long thought myself incapable of decent public speaking. Turns out I was wrong...

8. after 4 years of not doing an ounce of homework or writing or reading anything 'academic,' I not only passed all of my classes, but made the Dean's List as well! 

I'm not what I would classify the adventurous type, or the outgoing type, or even necessarily the fun type, but what 2010 has taught me is that I need to stop classifying myself and allow myself to be and become what God wants me to be - and not what anyone else says I am or am not, or should or should not be.

A verse I just came across this afternoon jumped out at me for this coming year:

The LORD says, "I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you." Psalm 32:8 (New Living Translation)

I feel like that is God's promise for me in 2011. Focus on Him, and He will take me to and through everything He has planned for me this year. I encourage you to rest on that this coming year as well. But don't just rest on it, go out and live it! Live your life to its full potential in 2011! 

Happy New Year, friends! 

My roommate Kenzie, Ellie, Kelsey, me, Angie, and Jennifer @ NU in November. :)

banishment

Yes, I do realize that I've been very quiet while away at college. I am keeping quite busy, learning how to be a student again and the art of making new friends (which is something I have always struggled with, but I am finding that the skill is invaluable if you want to stay sane in new life situations). I was struck dumb tonight by Donald Miller - again...this guy just knocks me over on a regular basis...and I just felt compelled to share. He was talking on his blog about growing up and maturing. This is something I have a problem with, because I have trouble managing fear in my life. But for the third time today, I was reminded that fear and worry are not ways of life that we were designed to walk in. Here's what Don had to say:

I wish I could go back and talk to myself when I was twenty. I’d say to myself “listen, don’t worry about the things you’ve been worrying about. Everything is going to work out great.” And I’d likely clarify with myself that “In the future I get everything I need?” And I’d say back to myself “No, you just realize you didn’t need it. And that’s even better.”

I was at church this morning and the pastor got up in the middle of the worship set to talk to us about fear, which was a deviation from the planned programming of the service. He said he felt like there were people there this morning that were living with a spirit of fear, and that was not how God designed us to live. And he prayed for all of us who were dealing with fear that it would leave us and be replaced with God's spirit of love. It was a strange concept to deal with because even though I know that fear isn't healthy, and it isn't the way God created us to be, I still live my life with fear hanging around me like a stray cat that got fed once and won't go away.

My new assignment is to banish fear. I have a feeling it will be a process, but at least I don't have to do it alone.

the guesswork

life is all about the guesswork.

what if we lived in a world with no variables; only constants?

there would be no exploration, no discovery, no growth, and little passion.

it would be all just expanse of sky, with no earth.

or just dirt, with no mountains.

we weren’t created simply to exist; to float without experience.

we are here to learn, to breathe, to see, to teach, to touch, to share with one another our mistakes and our journeys...

and ultimately to glorify our Creator through all of those things

by using what we’ve seen, learned, touched, tasted, loved, laughed about, cried over.

and as much as we might put off the unknown and the discomfort in the variables, they are in fact crucial to our very core

 without shadows there can be no proof of the sunshine

no answers exist without a question

and if we stop fearing the guesswork, we might be more willing to step out and see what we can learn from the beauty that inhabits the unknown.

countdowns and updates

Oh! It's July. Crazy how that happened!

I am moving in exactly six weeks to attend university and finish my Bachelor's degree that I started oh-so-many years ago. I can't believe I'm actually doing this. I'm so excited, and so scared - because this is incredibly out of my very small comfort zone. But I really feel ready for the change. Everything keeps falling so beautifully into place that I know it's from the Lord. There's no other explanation for how this is working out. Especially in the financial area. It's astounding, and I am so thankful that I have this opportunity to expand and explore.

I also was blessed with a visit from a childhood family friend and her boyfriend this past week. They had a week off work so they trekked to the Northwest from So Cal to visit Seattle for a few days and then came to stay with my family. It was so great to get to know Stephanie as a "grown up" as we haven't spent any concentrated time together in over ten years. Our families were really close when we were small and all lived in California, and I remember asking my mom if we were actually related to them. It certainly felt like it, and I have sincerely missed spending time with them over the past years. It was fun getting to meet Andrew as well, and I am happy to know that Stephanie is with someone as genuine and caring as he is. She deserves nothing less.

We got to show them some of the more touristy places around here, like the Tillamook Cheese Factory, the coast, and the gorgeous waterfalls that populate the area. We live in a really beautiful place, and I was glad to be reminded of that and share it with friends.

I hope you're all having a nice July!

learning things

...I am what can be classified as a 'hopeful romantic.' I refuse to believe that I am hopeless.

...I have serious issues when it comes to matters of the heart.

...I am far too melodramatic for my own good. (Somehow, most things end up feeling like they are life or death, even though my brain knows they're not. My heart doesn't listen to reason. Panic and chaos ensue.)

...I live in cycles - this is probably unhealthy on several levels; largely because I enter each new cycle believing that it hasn't happened before...but it's always happened before, and it's almost always been exactly the same as this time.

...These patterns that I repeat fall into one of three categories: my purpose, love, and a combination of the two (don't ask how they correlate, they just do in my life).

...Recognizing these truths in my life may hopefully be a step on the path to recovery.

What do I need to recover from?

I'm not really sure yet.

Mr. Miller Strikes Again.

"...God gives life to you to live, and you can either tell meaningful stories or boring stories. We can’t wait around anymore for God to make something happen in our lives, meanwhile we shop at Bed Bath and Beyond. The truth is, God gives you wisdom and direction and morality and His presence and support, and then asks you to live, to conquer, to risk and experience the whole of life. People grow when they are in motion." - Don Miller

I wish that Don Miller didn't make me think so much because, frankly, thinking hurts.  And usually, thinking leads to pondering, and pondering to considering. And once you start considering, say, the state of your life and how these new thoughts could be put into action to change the state of your life, dangerous things start to unfold.

Things like change.

Now, read the quote again. Go on, I'll wait for you.

Let it sink in a bit. For me, at least, those are terrifying words to read. Because I like shopping. Okay, not just shopping, but rather hoping that God will make things happen while I "wait on Him." Actually living my life is one of the scariest things for me. I don't like risks.

But apparently, we're supposed to actually do something with our lives. As in use action verbs. So we can experience and grow.

Hmmm...I guess it's time to force myself off the couch and start learning to tell meaningful stories.

Frenzying Away

Hello, Blogland...

I see from the date that it's been a month since my last update...oops. It's April, and this year that means that I am in the process of slogging through the writing of my very first feature length screenplay. I'm participating in a program called Script Frenzy (see my little icon over here ----->) in which the goal is to complete 100 pages of script in 30 days. Sound familiar? It's a program from the same group as National Novel Writing Month, which I attempted to participate in last November.

Anyway, this project is already going significantly better than the novel attempt - I actually have a plot and dialogue and interesting characters! And a good number of pages...although I am currently a little behind schedule, which means I should go back to working on that rather than blogging. :)

Before I go, though, I thought I'd let you know (because I know you're all wondering!) that I finally found another job! I'm working at a movie theater in town, and so far, so good. I've been there almost a week. Ha. Anyway, I will now be spending my summer selling popcorn and smiling a lot, and I can now officially say that I have my first job in the Film Industry. Hey, it's a foot in the door, right? The guy on our training videos said that Julia Roberts even started by working at a movie theater...