time warp

I realized today that I am *not* seventeen years old anymore. I understand that, to some of you, the gap between 17 and 23 doesn't seem like it would make that much of a difference, but let me tell you, it's stark. 

I am actually quite disturbed by this realization. I understand that I am not physically a teenager, but that's the easy part. I live very much like a seventeen-year-old. My "space" (no pun intended) in this world consists of a messy bedroom in my parents' house. I own an old car and I work part-time while pretending that I'm working on a novel that I will one day finish and therefore make something of myself. 

I'm not saying this just because I feel like getting down on myself. I'm saying it because maybe putting it on "paper" will spur me on to actually do something about it. 

It's time to grow up mentally and emotionally. Any suggestions on how to do that?

Psalm 126

When the Lord brought back the captives to Zion,

we were like men who dreamed.

Our mouths were filled with laughter,

our tongues with songs of joy.

Then it was said among the nations,

"The Lord has done great things for them."

The Lord has done great things for us,

and we are filled with joy.

Restore our fortunes, O Lord,

like streams in the Negev.

Those who sow in tears

will reap with songs of joy.

He who goes out weeping,

carrying seed to sow,

will return with songs of joy,

carrying sheaves with him.

This is the song my heart is singing now. The Lord has done great things for us - He has set us free from captivity, and He had a plan for what He would have us do before He even formed the earth. We were chosen and sent for a purpose. We are meant to fulfill the work that God set for us to do. And even though there are those periods of weeping, we will come out singing songs of joy!

I have been set free from my chains and I am now a slave to goodness! Even though I sowed with tears, I am now dancing and dreaming and laughing. 

The Lord has done great things for us!

wedding season

it has officially started! yesterday, my lovely friend and former youth leader, Jessica got married to a great guy named Doug. those two are so cute together, and it was such a nice afternoon. 

I love weddings. have I mentioned that before? well, even if I have, I'll say it again. I love weddings! there's just something about them - maybe it's the combination of making such solemn and important promises and a huge party with all the people who matter most. I can't think of much more fulfilling than that.

and with that, my countdown has started for the wedding of two of my best friends - Heather & Casey - just under 3 weeks now. I'm so excited that I don't really have words for it. but that doesn't mean I can just stand around being excited...oh, no. lots to prepare for, and so much celebrating left to do! 

now, if I could just find my groom, we'd be good to go! ah, well. all in good timing. :)

*photo is of my lovely cousin-in-law, Abby, on her wedding day

hermitage

I'm finding it's way too easy for me to curl up in my shell and just shuffle through life alone, and I hate that. I love people, and I have an honest need for them, but at the same time I often find myself trapped in my fears of being unacceptable and unloved that I sometimes physically stop myself from being with people. 

Why do I do this? I'm only just scratching the surface in realizing that this is what I've been doing to myself. The psychosis must run much deeper, but I haven't gotten there yet.

Why am I telling you this? Because I want someone to know, and I want someone to help me out of it. I can see myself letting life slip by and that scares me more than the things that are stopping me from living fully. I feel paralyzed by this.

catalyst

But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. Luke 2:19

I'm pondering treasures myself right now. It's a wonder to me any time that I have a conversation with God, and I always walk away so changed. I don't wonder at being changed, I'm just always amazed at the experience. 

My heart has been changed in a big way, simply because when God asked me a question, I answered "Yes" this time. And now I'm seeing amazing things as a result. Things I never expected.

wish

I want to meet someone who makes it so that I can't stop smiling.

promise

"When we are created by the ultimate creator, there are no boundaries or barriers, the sky is the limit."  

- Promise Tangeman

i love making discoveries. promise tangeman is my new favorite. i found her on the blog of photographer extraordinaire, sarah rhoads. 

both inspire me to find an outlet for my creativity. and since i was created by the ultimate creator, i should be exploring far more than i do.

maybe they'll inspire you too.

twenty-three

i am now what middle schoolers think of as old. i know this because i've heard them say it. 

i think that change can be a good thing, in proper amounts. i think change is necessary for me this year. 

i think too much.

i need to stop thinking so much, and get up and do something.

my theme for this year is 'get ready'. yes, like the song. partially.

get ready, 'cause here i come.