a snag in the road

Here's the rub: I hate this "novel" that I'm supposed to be writing this month.

Oops.

I've discovered that the only way that I can make myself keep going on this challenge is to change direction completely. So, I'm keeping the 7,200 words that I've put in, inserting a page break, and starting a different story!

Yes, I realize I might be crazy, but I've had a story sitting in front of me for months now that I feel NEEDS to be told. And it's my job to tell it. Why not start now? :)

a charming snippet

Okay, here's my proof that I've actually been working on my novel. =) My total word count at the moment is approximately 6650. I'm making progress, but if you care to do the math, you'll find that I'm decently behind schedule. However, I'd like to point out that this is easily the largest block of fiction I've ever written, so that's an accomplishment in itself.

Below is the opening of Chapter 2. Yes, 2, just because I like to keep you all on your toes. ha. It's completely unedited save for spelling errors, so beware of utter stupidity that may seep in from time to time. Enjoy it. Or don't. But if you don't, please don't tell me that you hate it until December, because I can't do revisions until then, anyway! =P

Raelah Taryn Arabella

Ides: Month of Flowers (May)

Day 1 Notes

The last thing that I ever wanted was to marry for anything other than love. And for me to sit there and listen to my parents tell me that they had already selected my husband, and that there was nothing I could do about it, just about broke my heart. It may be true that I didn’t have anyone particular in mind yet, but I’m only seventeen years old, so is that really expected? Why couldn’t they have promised Celia to this Prince Athan? I know that sounds terrible that I would be willing to sacrifice my sister, but I actually wouldn’t do it. I’m just curious why no one thought that she would be a suitable match. After all, she was twenty-one already, and no one other than I was aware of the fact that she was preparing to run away with Count Orion once the summer came.
I had allowed the news to sink in, however, and like any good princess I had resolved to honor my parents’ wishes. I would leave with Prince Athan of Greater Pontleroy when he arrived, and I would marry him when the time came. And after that, I would do my best to serve the people of Pontleroy as their future queen, even though it meant leaving my family and my people behind. Because that is what a princess must do.
That resolve existed a fortnight ago. Today, I am not sure that I will survive the evening, now that I have met him. I saw him from my window when he first arrived, and I knew immediately that this was bound to go poorly. He was the most handsome creature I had ever laid eyes on, with hair as black as midnight – so dark it was almost blue – and bright brown eyes that would have been fantastic if he hadn’t also been the most dejected man who ever lived. The task that had been set to him weighed on his posture and his features like he had been sentenced to death. It was in that moment that I realized he had absolutely no interest in me regardless of the type of person I was, and it was also then that I decided to become as undesirable as possible. Why, if he didn’t want me, I would make sure it was for a reason. And I’m sad to say how stunningly I succeeded.

it's all about that first step...

I did something a little crazy today - I signed up for National Novel Writing Month.

The goal? Write a 50,000-word (approx. 175 pages) novel from scratch in 30 days.

So far, I have a plot line, a tentative title, two main characters who can't stand each other and about 130 words. I suppose that's a good start, considering I started working on this about 5 hours ago, and it took an hour and a half of that to decide on names. What can I say? I'm particular about names.

You may be wondering what possessed me to sign up for a month of insanity. Well, the best conclusion that I've come to is that I've all but stalled out on my writing out of fear, and that's not a good enough reason to stop working. If you never take the first step, you'll never walk anywhere. So this is my step out the front door.

A real challenge. A real deadline. If I don't make it, it's only because I didn't put forth the effort to succeed, and that's no way to work or live.

So, I'd love it if you ask me for updates on my progress, because I'm going to need my friends to spur me on - that's why I'm putting this out there in the first place. If I have accountability, I'll be that much more encouraged to finish what I've started.

If you have any interest in the story I'm working on, let me know, and I'll send you a bit of it, because knowing that I'll be sharing it with someone will help me make it as good as possible. It will be unedited for the most part, though, so please bear with me in love (especially if it's not Dickens quality!). ^_^

So here's to November, and the completion of Charming!

challenge time!

This was fun. I dare you to do it and post it on your own blog for others to enjoy.

Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. Try not to repeat a song title. It's a lot harder than you think. Have fun!

Pick Your Artist:
John Mayer

Are you male or female?
"Daughters"

Describe yourself:
"Bold as Love"

How do you feel about yourself?
"In Repair"

Describe where you currently live:
"Covered in Rain"

If you could be anywhere, where would you be?
"In Your Atmosphere"

Your favorite form of transportation:
"Stop This Train"

Your best friend is:
"Quiet"

Your favorite color is:
"Neon"

What's the weather like?
"Comfortable"

Favorite Time of Day:
"Wait Until Tomorrow"

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called?
"Belief"

What is life to you?
"Only Heart"

What is the best advice you have to give?
"Say (What You Need to Say)"

If you could change your name, what would it be?
"Victoria"

Thought for the Day:
"No Such Thing"

How would you like to die:
"Vultures" hahaha

My soul's present condition:
"Bigger Than My Body"

My motto:
"Good Love Is On The Way"

masquerade

I hate that I hide so much of myself from the world. I hate that I hide so much even from the people who think they know me best. The people that I feel closest to.

I wear a mask. Sometimes my quirks slip around it, but once someone notices that they're there, I reign them back in. One strange look from another person and I run for my shell. I don't know why it matters to me so much, but I crave acceptance from people. I crave love.

The funny thing is that I'm content with who I am at the core. I'm pretty weird, but I don't mind when I'm by myself. It's just that I wonder if anyone will ever really see me for all that I am and be okay with it - like it, even. Then I wonder if I'll ever let anyone get close enough to actually know the inside me. I want to. I'm just afraid.

faded

Like an old pair of jeans.

Like a memory that used to be so clear, but when you pull it out now to look at it, not all of the pieces fit together anymore.

Like the last time I was sure which direction I was headed. Now I can't even remember why I was going there. Or why I thought it was such a great idea in the first place.

The pain of past hurts is dulled significantly like those old jeans as they go through the wash. I am thankful for that element of memory - if things didn't drift away from us with time, I don't know how anyone would ever move forward. And we become more comfortable (or I guess that's the hope) with who we are because of what we've been through. Each wash, each trial makes us a little stronger, a little more resilient, a little more open to love.

Thank you, Lord, for washing me again.

oh, snap.

I've been looking at so many things incorrectly for a while now. Do you ever have one of those moments that feels like a sucker punch to the stomach of realization? I hate those. But most often, it's those moments that actually make me sit up and listen.

I think sometimes (ok, a lot of the time!) I find it easier to perhaps 'misinterpret' information because the direct truth is unpleasant, or too challenging at the moment to digest. For months now, maybe even years, I've been hearing one thing that's been spoken to me over and over again that I've heard solely as something other than what was intended by the speaker. Why? Because maybe it was easier to 'hear' what was being said and get angry at that person for saying it than to take ownership of what was being given to me in those words and make something of it.

Excuses, excuses. And I'm tired of them. Finally I've been able to realize the true content, and decide with a level head what action to take as a result. I feel so much more stable and coherent now. And although the path in front of me is a rocky one, I'm ready now to take it.

So, thanks to those who've kept hitting me over the head with persistence. And thank you, Lord, for opening my ears and heart to receive it. The sense has been knocked into me now. :)

i love you, you're perfect, now change...

First, credit goes to Joe DiPietro for coining such a wonderfully terrible sentiment.

I often feel like this is my life. Not because people actually say this to me, but simply because this is so much the culture that surrounds us. It becomes ingrained whether we are inclined to believe it or not. And for me, it tends to be a bit of a driving force.

It seems like every time I turn around, I hit a wall. Whatever progress I might make in a particular direction, I always come upon that sign that says, "Nope. Not good enough."

Okay, when is 'good enough' then? How do we get there? And what standards are we going by here, anyway? Should we not be striving for God's standards, rather than the standards of the world? Easier said than done, I know.

It's so easy to be consumed by what outside sources are feeding us, and it makes me so frustrated that I fall victim to it all time and again. Where does it stop?

"Be still, and know that I am God..." Psalm 46:10a

It's funny, that's not where I was planning on going here, necessarily, but it's so good. Step back, shut up, calm down, and listen to the One who has things under control. I think I'll try that, but I'm curious...how do you deal with the "I love you, you're perfect, now change" mentality that we live with? I know I can't be the only one affected by this.